Dave Brown. Alison writes:
I have a radio crush on Dave Brown, who does the traffic reports for CBC Radio One in the mornings. Dave has fun with the traffic report. I can't wait to hear the new ways he'll describe how traffic is moving. Or not, as the case may be.
So here it is: The Dave Brown Traffic Report Drinking Game
Fill up your travel mug with a Timmie's double double, a Starbucks chai latte, a Bridgehead fair-trade Americano, or just the plain old coffee that comes out of your Procter-Silex, get in your car and get ready to play. Turn your dial to 91.5 FM and make sure your mug is handy when the traffic report comes on.
Take a swig whenever he says:
- It's a tough sled on all the bridges.
- There's a collision on the go. (But really, Dave, we need to talk about this one -- it's an oxymoron. When there's a collision, it's definitely on the stop.)
- And that's where the magic happens.
- 417 westbound is clogging up.
- Whenever he calls 'the Split' 'the Merge'.
- Eastbound 417 is packed to the gills.
- Patience is a virtue. (while describing the bridges)
- Take a large gulp whenever his prose gets extra-descriptive. You know what I mean. Examples of gulp-worthy lines:
- "Highway 50 strikes a pose at Montée Paiement and vogues all the way down to la Vérendrye."
- "Volume builds up through Kanata, reaches an apex at Bayshore, then deconstructs by Woodroffe."
- "The 174 is in leather pants mode: tight as it approaches the Split."