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June 08, 2012

Fake Friday: Mayor Watson Can Now Appear At Every Event In Ottawa With New $3.4Million Mobile Command Centre

Ottawa - The Mayor of Ottawa will now be able to triple his appearances at various events throughout the city using a new Mobile Command Vehicle. Enabling the mayor and his staff to efficiently plan and execute appearances by the Mayor, the 3.4 million dollar vehicle is a state of the art wheeled Command Centre that allows The Mayor to pinpoint exactly his next appearance while planning the most hassle-free traffic route to the destination. Using satellite tracking software and a fully automated command console with GPS, The Mayor will now be able to attend every single event in Ottawa with great ease.

Using a converted bus chassis, the new Command Vehicle, dubbed "Watson One" will also allow the Mayor to conduct mayoral duties from inside the vehicle and keep in direct contact with councillors using its onboard communications network. A special "mobile council chamber" was also installed within the Command Vehicle to allow impromptu or emergency council meetings to take place while en route to a scheduled appearance by Mayor Watson.

Director of Mayoral Affairs, Florence Molander says the new command vehicle will allow the Mayor to appear everywhere within a few minutes, tripling his already busy appearance schedule. "With Watson One, we now hope to make the Mayor available to appear at every single event in the city within a matter of minutes." Molander remarked. Previously, Mayor Watson would have to be shuttled by car, only aided by a Blackberry device, limiting his appearances throughout the city.

With Watson One, sophisticated computers and portable communications allow the Mayor and his staff to be in constant contact with city events. The $3.4 Million command vehicle is also equipped with a walk in closet full of fleece sweaters and penny loafers, and also a deep fryer. Mayor Watson is excited to utilize the new command vehicle despite some complaints from opponents, but says it will only increase his efficiency of running the Nation's Capital. "It's perfect, now I can be everywhere, all at the same time, and also conduct my duties as Mayor while on the road." Watson exclaimed. Watson 1 will also be given clearance to use the existing Transitway system to expedite travel of the Mayor to his scheduled appearances.


This article originally appeared on the-o-dot and is republished here with the blessing of the reclusive and secretive author.


See also: Ottawa City Hall Guide
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