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October 22, 2010

Fake Friday: Distracting Election Signs Cause Accident In West End

Byron Ave. - The current mucinicpal election has been somewhat heated between candidates, but a recent traffic accident has now taken the election to a more dangerous level. Doug Slagson, 88, an undecided voter in the Kitchissippi Ward has put up over 120 campaign signs on his lawn at the intersection of Byron and Dawson Ave. resulting in a serious multiple car accident that has sent four people to hospital with minor injuries.

A distracted driver trying to comprehend the 120 signs posted on his lawn suffered sensory overload and went into a seizure causing his vehicle to lose control and careen into oncoming traffic, causing a multi-vehcile pile up at the intersection. In a chain reaction of drivers distracted trying to read all the signs, 34 vehicles were involved in the pile up, resulting in minor injuries to 4 people involved.

"I was just driving along and happened to glance over at all the signs and then I lost control of my car and before I knew it I was rear ending the car in front." stated Gary Thubert, who was unharmed in the pile up, but still thinks Slagson should remove some signs or make up his mind who he is voting for.

"I am still undecided." Slagson remarked, "Until I make up my mind I'll be supporting each and every candidate with a lawn sign." replied Slagson who has since been contacted by City officials to remove some of the signs before they distract further drivers and cause an even more serious accident. "We told him to maybe take down a couple, but he refuses until he makes up his mind who he is voting for." commented City By-Law officer Gwen Jenkins who visited Slagson after the accident. "He's not breaking any rules, so we really can't do anything." Jenkins said.

With another week of municipal campaigning in the Ottawa area, the distracting signs will most likely remain on Slagson's lawn until voting day, so police are warning drivers to avoid the area so they will not be distracted and lose control of their vehicle. Slagson reports he is leaning towards a Hobbs/Watson vote, but is somewhat apprehensive of Watson's casual dress and Hobbs sultry looks. "Back in my day a Mayor wore a hat and the women were not allowed to show any knee." Slagson remarked before placing yet another Clive Doucet sign on his lawn.
Editor's note: Every Friday on OttawaStart, we feature a "best of" post from the-o-dot, the satircal Ottawa blog. This article originally appeared here.

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