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August 13, 2010

Fake Friday: City Approves Gateway Arch For Westboro

Westboro - Ottawa City Council unanimously voted in favour of yet another community gateway arch to be constructed this time in Westboro.

Complimenting the already constructed "Little Italy" arch that crosses Preston Street, and the soon to be completed "Chinatown" arch on Somerset, the new Westboro arch will span Richmond Road at Kirkwood Avenue..

"This arch will welcome visitors to our unique community here in the West End," exclaimed Westboro Improvement Group president Linda Noyles, who envisions the arch to be completed for next year's WESTFEST event. "Construction begins in April 2011 so I think we should have it ready for WestFest" beamed Noyles who has been proposing a special Westboro arch to City Council for years. "Finally we now have our own gateway!" laughed Noyles who can't wait to drive under the gate in her Lexus SUV on her way to yoga next year.

Plans for the special arch include a 30 foot illuminated sign that represents the dynamic and prevalent culture and lifestyle of the community residents. Materials for the arch will be eco-friendly and utilize fair-trade sources. "The arch will be made out of sustainable bamboo from a village outside of Taipei, and will be solar powered with a biodegradable foundation made out of recycled Bridgehead cups." stated arch engineer Hugh Treskin, who spent two years in Tibet learning the art of all-natural arch construction.

It is estimated that over 300 full size import SUV's, 400 white single moms with strollers, 500 young-high-income-professionals, and 250 outdoorsy types will pass under the arch each day. "This is great news," exclaimed Golden Ave. resident Sheila Potter, "This arch will really bring the community of Westboro together and let visitors know what we are all about."
Editor's note: Every Friday on OttawaStart, we'll feature a "best of" post from the-o-dot, a new satircal Ottawa blog. This article originally appeared here.

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